I suck at all of it. Not at actually doing it but at actually doing it. I wish watching TV burned calories and surfing the triple-w toned muscles. But life is unfair and they don't, so we must find the motivation and routine that works for us. Now, I really do like when I'm more active and exercise regularly. Like, I did it 8 days in a row once. No shit. I wouldn't lie to you (again). While I have always seen the future me ("dude, give me like 2-3 months, I'm gonna be SO IN SHAPE") as a lean sculpted masterpiece of five-feet-one-inch human, I tend to take a more realistic (easier) approach than what I often see online these days. Let's start with the things I don't (won't) do:
Crossfit: Ok, so I actually don't totally know what Crossfit is, but I'm pretty sure it's some sort of fitness cult. Shit's bananas. Their slogan is "forging elite fitness". Elite?! Yes. World-class aristocratic top drawer fitness. Yes I used a thesaurus for that. And may I note, another synonym on there was "crack*". I assume the * represents that it is slang, but I think it's most accurate in this case. As if that isn't enough, there are 2 other reasons I will never try it. 1. Quitters. I'm pretty sure 90% of posts I've seen were about trying it, and not too much after that. I'm not really looking for something new to quit right now. 2. Crossfit junkies. The ones that NEVER quit. Umm have you seen any of these? They're obsessed. And also, the women? So...beefy. Sorry, I give them credit and all (can't be easy to put on all that mass) and have nothing against that body type, if it's your thing. But it goes against my lean frame fantasy, so it's out.
Zumba: F*ck Zumba. I did this once upon a time, for one hour. Nobody told me I shouldn't try to outdo the teacher in energy and effort (note: I didn't succeed). I just thought "Hey, I'm here, I am going to go all-in, 110%, balls deep (gross) on this bitch". Yeah not my best moment in decision making. I couldn't move for 3 days after. I've felt better after car accidents.
Running: A much simpler idea, that almost everyone on the planet can do and has at some point. It's a mainstay when it comes to cardiovascular fitness, and runners love running. They run miles. They run marathons. They run in the morning when it's 15° out and in the summer when it's 95°. We all have that friend on Facebook that loves to run, "Just got back from a brisk 8.5 mile sprint! I feel GREAT!" I think the longest I've ever run is maybe 2 minutes? And I really hated the second minute.
Gym Membership: Oh, I've thought about it. Like 1742 times. But I'm smarter than that. I know I would have reasons (excuses) to not go, and when I did I would spend 20 minutes using a machine incorrectly and then replenish any calories I managed to burn with a smoothie on my way out. Of course my gym has smoothies, who would join a gym without smoothies?
Yoga: Ok this I would actually probably think about trying. It fully supports my vision of lean yet strong limbs. There's just something about the class aspect that the very thought of makes me flashback to Zumba. I know yoga isn't as intense (at least the pre-beginners basics class I would choose wouldn't be) but my tendency to overachieve in a group environment makes me think of falling violently out of poses and pulled muscles. Do people pull muscles in yoga? I wouldn't know I've never gone.
So yeah, I'm gonna stick with what I've done for the last 10 years. Walking. And Pilates (DVDs not classes). Only more of it. Starting in April (so, tomorrow), every day. April is Action Month. I really almost mean that. So I guess I should figure out today how to hook up the machine that plays the DVDs. It's kinda hard for me to move my TV by myself because it's heavy and I don't do Crossfit. And also where to walk. My neighborhood probably isn't the safest, and I can't get away from rapists quickly because I don't run.
Me after Zumba
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