Summertime Soul

The memories that have always stuck with me the most are all connected to summer. Our childhood wasn't perfect, but there was something about the hot sun that bleached away everything but what I loved most about the best time of year. We didn't worry about it going by too fast because we didn't really worry about anything. Our biggest concern was our popsicle melting or running out of Kool-Aid. Days were filled with playing, swimming, bike rides, sunshine. We explored the woods and brought home slimy "pets". The pond across the street was brown and murky but when the morning sun hit it, it shimmered and sparkled. We picked wild blueberries for our cereal in the morning and anxiously awaited dinner on the days we went to the farm for fresh corn. Days were longer back then. We had so much time. When the sun set we would play tag or hide-and-seek as late as our parents let us, or my favorite thing to do in summer darkness.

We collected fireflies.

We put them in a jar, covered it with waxed paper dotted with air holes and brought it into our room to place on the nightstand. We were exhausted and it was hot, despite the mini fan six inches from our beds. But we were also very excited. Because the next day we were going to the "big beach". The "real beach".

The ocean.

It seemed so, so far away and was always a really big deal to go. We went maybe two or three times a year. It doesn't feel so far anymore, but I still love it just as much. It still feels just as special every time. And I still feel just as small when I stand in the sand and stare out across the massive stretch of current to where the sky meets the water and the earth appears to end.

The sky is different in the summer. Even the clouds are nicer. Brighter, fluffier, whiter. I remember laying on my back just staring at the massive cottony formations. I still catch myself being struck by them at times, looking out a car window or just sitting outside with a book. At night, we would often lay a blanket in the grass. In my memory there were never clouds at night. Just a million stars that shined bright due to being in a town with very little light pollution. We would point out any constellations we knew and try to find satellites. Time stood still and it was just us and the never-ending ceiling of lights. I look forward to living under a sky like that again someday.

My saddest memory will always be that day one year ago. I'll never forget the loss I felt. How I felt pain in every cell of my body and yet completely numb at the same time. The guilt, the emptiness, the regret. The heaviness I felt inside and how dark it seemed to get. 

It was summer again, but the sun was dull and the ocean flat. I couldn't see the stars though the thick layer of grief that blanketed everything around me. 

And then one night the fireflies doubled, tripled. It looked like the trees were sparkling. It was like a message. Although I still dragged that heavy weight everywhere I went, I knew what I needed to do. And so I made a promise to him that I would make my life the best I could, live it for both of us. Treat people well, don't take anything for granted, and appreciate the little things. 

Like when we were kids, in the summertime.

What is a year anyway? It's just time. Some days it feels like longer. Some days it feels like yesterday. Time only helps so much, it never deletes things or makes promises that they won't hit you at random and hurt like hell. Because they will. What time does is smooth the edges a bit and help you see things in a softer, more positive light. Like the sunshine on the dirty pond. Like all those summer memories.

I'm even more thankful for those memories now, he's in all of them. He is them.

I saw a firefly for the first time this year last weekend, and it made me smile to know I will be seeing him a lot more now. Because he really is everywhere. He's the quick flash of a firefly, the stars on clear summer nights. He's the waves in the ocean, the slow movement of the clouds. 

He's the morning sunlight on all the world's imperfections.

Hello Again

Wow, it's been like 2 weeks since I have written anything. I think about it every day, and sometimes even open up a fresh page and stare at it for a few minutes, and then nothing. I'm pretty sure the overwhelming information I have been absorbing at work has cluttered my mind a bit. But today I will update on how things are going, even if it takes me all day of on and off writing.

I guess I should start with the biggest thing, and that would be that Nick and I are officially house hunting. We hired a realtor and last week we looked at 13 houses. Yes, THIRTEEN. I think we have four more lined up for this week. That is a lot of houses. Nick liked a few and I liked a couple but honestly none so far have been like, This is the one. This is where we will have friends over for dinner and have summer parties and start our family. Nope. I wish there was a Create Your Own! menu option at the end like when you go out to breakfast, so we could take all the features we love from each and make the perfect home. I still have confidence it is out there and we will find it, it just may take a little time.

In more positive news, I am loving the new job. I spent the last two weeks training in cheese, and though at first I was like a fish out of water flopping around on the back of a deer in headlights, I really started getting into it the last couple shifts! Like Saturday? When it was time to leave? I said, That went by too fast. WTF? Who says work went by too fast? I need to get a life. Just kidding, I couldn't be happier to not be counting down the minutes to leaving. It's genuinely fun and I enjoy the work and everything I am learning too. I really lucked out with the people on my team (soon to be hopefully team? I guess I'm technically still an outsider) as well, I swear they are the best in the store. I might be biased.

I have still been eating super clean, for the most part. I've had just a couple "oops"s over the last couple weeks, and have definitely injested far too much cheese (occupational hazard), and probably too much wine (but still not that much) but other than that I have been spot on. Still no dairy in my coffee, totally DONE with artificial sweeteners, hardly any meat (but some salmon), nothing processed, etc etc. Probably like 70% raw too at this point just due to the fact that I eat major salads almost daily. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies. Lots of fiber (averaging 30g/day). Lots of water. Almost no added sugars. I feel amazing. Best I can ever remember feeling.

And since the initial drop from the cleanse, I have lost ONE POUND. For the love of God.

Well have you been exercising?, you ask. Interesting question. Not in the traditional sense of the word. I haven't walked in weeks and I already forgot how to play the Pilates DVD. BUT. Being on my feet for 8 hours and moving around is kind of the same as walking? And picking up cheese wheels and giant bowls of olives is kind of like weight lifting? And pulling a wire through cheeses is pretty much the same as a rowing machine? So yeah, I guess you can say I go to the gym 3 times a week! Heh.

I got to see my friend Melissa and her adorable baby at Kiley's this weekend, because she was up from Florida. That made me happy. And last week Kiley had a lil snake friend in her house (aghh!), and then he left and then her cat "ran away" (aka hid somewhere outside for 2 days) and then her son turned 3 and then the cat came home! Which also made me happy. Exciting times over there. And she made it through all of that without going into labor. Way to be strong K!

This is a pretty sorry excuse for a post, but at least I wrote something. And it didn't take me all day. Now that I'm getting into a more natural groove with work I promise to start writing much more often again. After all, there are probably over 3 people that care.

CAN YOU EVEN

In color

A few May photos...

Little flowers in the woods

New wind-chime in the yard I like :)

Hi.

Chilly ocean

Just a picture I liked

Bamboo forest in Rhode Island 

Best white sangria I've ever had 

Irises lookin' all pretty 

I really, really like this tree

<3

Happy Friday!

Just wanted to do a quick (warning: it's not quick) post since I have a little more time before I go into work today.

• The new job is going well. It's been an exhausting week to say the least but I am really starting to love it there. Whole Foods is seriously a pretty awesome place to work. And the people I work with and around are great.

• I hope they like me. I worry about that. I haven't worked with other people in like 12 years.

• I can now make any drink they offer there. I love making lattes the most and had a customer tell me yesterday it was the best one they have gotten there so far. 4 days! Whaat.

• Today is my last day at the coffee bar before going to train in the cheese department. I think I am going to miss it. But I'm pretty excited to eat lots of learn about cheeses.

• After today I have 3 days off! OMG. Heading to Rhode Island for the weekend for some time with friends, fun, and relaxation.

• I forgot to mention, I found out I am not actually an official Team Member yet. The deal is, you go through your training, and then after a period of time your team takes a vote as to whether you become one or not. The average time is two months for part-time. I am definitely trying my best, so hopefully they will all see that.

• So the cleanse.

• Today is Day 9. In my opinion I have freaking nailed it thus far. Aside from a few cheese samples at work (it's my job guys!) and a couple other tiny samples (also at work) I have stuck to it one hundred.

• I originally said 7-10 days and didn't throw in the towel right at day 7. That's something I tell ya.

• I estimate a loss of 5 pounds so far. I didn't weigh myself when I started. Oops.

• I still want to lose 5-10 more.

• So I will keep up the super healthy plan, but not be so strict. Not ever going back to artificial sweeteners, or dairy in my coffee.

• I have had two KIND bars in my kitchen for three days now. They're the lowest ones in sugar I could find, but still would be like a candy bar for me right now. And I haven't eaten them. Whoa.

• I made a new dressing for my salads. It needs some tweaking but it's pretty good. Avocado, cilantro, lime juice, jalapeño, garlic, a pinch of kosher salt and a couple tablespoons of olive oil and water. Blended it in the bullet and added water until it was a good dressing consistency. Next time I will use less lime juice and the whole jalapeño. Mmm.

• This is officially the most boring thing you've ever read. My apologies.

• Oh! I made tofu this week! And it came out so good I made it again the next night. Nasoya brand is Non-GMO Project Verified too. Important.

So before I start talking about how my hands are all dry from working and it's making my nails even more brittle than usual, I will leave it at that and here are some photos of the aforementioned tofu and a couple other things I have eaten recently.

Cubed tofu cooking in a pan. I marinated it in tamari, hot sauce and ginger, then added some sesame seeds after it got a little crisp. I bought the pre-cubed thinking it would be easier, but it's a little annoying to try to brown all sides of 50 tiny pieces. It tasted great however.

Yummy

The next night (last night actually) I bought just a regular pack of extra firm tofu, cut the block in half then sliced it into about 1/4" (?) pieces and put them between paper towels. I put a box of kosher salt then a heavy pan with two new boxes of "milk" in it on top and let those press the water out for like 10 minutes. Then I sliced them all into strips and marinated it (about 15 min) in tamari, cumin, coriander, chipotle, and a little hot sauce (when I say hot sauce I always mean Frank's) for my Mexican Tofu Salad.

Romaine, tomatoes, black beans, jicama, avocado,

 scallions, cilantro and the tofu. With the dressing I mentioned above.

Another salad. With beets.

Oatmeal with banana, blueberries, ground flax and cinnamon.

No matter what you do oatmeal will never look pretty.

When I make this I mix a tablespoon of the flax in, along with a heavy shake of cinnamon. Then add the hot water. Then add a diced up banana. Then microwave it for 30-45 seconds. It warms and softens the banana so it mixes in nice and sweetens it up a bit. Makes it reminiscent of banana bread. Ohhh I should get walnuts.


I hope everyone has a lovely and safe Memorial Day weekend!

*Yawn* (and other goin'-ons)

I'm tireddd.

And busy. So busy. Bahh.

I had orientation at Whole Foods Friday, followed by two days of hardcore training Saturday and Sunday. Between my two days at my old job and the new job I'm working 8 days in a row. My next day off is Saturday. It's ok. I'll be ok.

Today is not a Whole Foods day so I feel like I can breathe for a minute. (Don't get me wrong, I think I will really like this job, but it's hard guys. It's so much to learn and remember and do and standing. Oh the standing. I'll get used to it.) After work Nick and I are meeting with a realtor so he can tell us things, and we can begin the first steps of house hunting. Then I come home and go to bed to wake up with the birds and be at WF at 6am. *cry*

So, because I like torture, I also decided to embark upon my own version of a cleanse. Stress-eating found me last week and I was reminded of how tired, bloated, and gross I feel when I eat crappy carbs and bad fats and sugars. I also gained back a few of the pounds I lost. It probably wasn't the ideal time to do something like this, but just being in WF is actually quite inspiring. I just have to ignore the fact that the pizza station is right next to the espresso bar. Mmm pizzaaaa....

Where was I?

Oh right. So today is Day 5 (going for like 7-10 I think) and the first 4 days were pretty successful. Which is amazing considering:

No Dairy. I still have coffee in the morning because please, I'm not a total masochist. It's organic coffee though, so it's ok. I actually care more that it's fair trade, I like that. And you should too. So anyway, I usually put half-and-half in my coffee, because it's delicious. So far I have tried (all unsweetened) coconut milk (fail), almond milk (not bad), and a blend of almond, cashew, and hazelnut (winner!). When at work I can make an almond milk latte and that is very nice. I am definitely getting used to the change already.

No Artificial Sweeteners. This is something I have felt bad about for so long. I have tried many a time to ditch Splenda and put stevia in my coffee. I go back every time. Never again. I just can't keep putting poison in my body if I plan to reproduce someday in the near future years. It's over. I started with agave nectar and then experimented and in the end I think I have perfected it. One teaspoon agave and one packet stevia. I know, this is riveting reading. I also tossed the Crystal Light.

No Meat. Yup. No chicken or fish or eggs, nada. So along with no dairy, you got it. It's vegan. I wanted to focus on it being really plant-based, so I figured it best to just cut out meat altogether. Plus it takes much longer to break it down and digest so it really wouldn't be a cleanse if I was eating it.

No Alcohol. Horrors. I could have gone for a glass of wine after work the last couple days like nobody's business.

No Wheat. As much as the Gluten-Free! fad irritates me, I am also aware that it's pretty rough on your guts, despite the fact that bread and cake are delicious. I will never in my life claim to be GF or swear off baked goods forever. Just for this, and then go back to keeping them at a minimum. I guess I could also mention here that I am also avoiding rice and potatoes for a minute. I did get GF oats though, and beans are definitely ok with me.

So here are a few examples of the things I have been eating, in pictures:

Starting purchases

Some green cleansing juice. It's not horrible.

Smoothie made with banana, strawberries, ice, and coconut milk.

Yum.

The GF oats with cinnamon, raisins, flax meal, and toasted pecans.

Salad. Romaine, cucumber, tomatoes, sprouts, radish, avocado and 

chickpeas (baked with spices). Dressing made from lemon juice, fresh basil, 

a clove of garlic and a bit of olive oil.

Yes, that is a mixing bowl.

This is water with fresh rosemary, mint, and lemon slices.

It tastes nice!

(And looks pretty too)

So yeah. I have to admit I feel pretty fantastic, in spite of the fact that I am utterly exhausted from starting the new job. I really believe it will all balance out and by this time next month I will feel better overall, and be settled into the job nicely.

Sorry this post is so boring.

But I leave you with this last little bit and it's pretty great.

Yayyy

Wildlife

"Ohhh you live in Rockville? Oh I'm sorry."

Which is what some people definitely think about my current residence. In fact, I even had someone ask me how I sleep at night. Yes, to my face. And then a Facebook friend was looking for suggestions in the area and was told to Stay The Hell Away from here.

I get it. There are definitely some shitty areas and some dumpy looking parts. There are kids that play basketball in the street, but at least they're outside. There are also apartments I wouldn't ever want to live in. So guess what? I don't live in them!

Sorry, it just bothers me a little I guess.

My landlord is actually quite safety conscious and installed motion lights around the house so that when I arrive home and it is dark, they turn on as I make my way to my door. This is especially helpful in warning me if there is a...(murderer? burglar? rapist? not quite)...skunk in my backyard.

I have a lovely backyard

I am terrified of skunks.

I have been hissed at. I have been tormented while trying to get in my car to leave one night (and was so scared I thought it better to go all the way back inside to think about how to escape). I have seen one several times when pulling in the driveway at night, luckily my headlights usually scare them away.

The light near my door has also alerted me at 3am to a chubby raccoon having a neat little garbage snack on my porch because I was too lazy to take it down to the wheely can. She saw me, we stared at each other for a minute, and then she walked away so slowly it was actually comical. I happen to find raccoons adorable.

We also have a woodchuck (this is what I am told she is) who resides under the shed in the back and comes out each morning to chomp the grass. She is very fat yet RUNS away when she hears a noise or sees a person. Her name is Lily. I have been told Landlord would like her to relocate (to put it nicely), but Landlady will hear nothing of it. I'm on her side.

So back to the light. One of the neighborhood birds has decided it is the perfect place to build a nest. I got home on Saturday afternoon and discovered this:

Not altogether impressive, but I got really excited for the potential of having a bird lay eggs right outside my door and for tiny bird babies. I immediately wanted to find this bird, introduce myself, and let her know I will not disturb her nest, and protect it if I can. Needless to say I was very happy to see yesterday that she worked overnight to improve it:

Sorry for the quality of that photo, the sun (!) was shining bright yesterday. But as you can see, there is much more nesting material here. The top of the light was now covered (it's not in the first picture) and looking closer to being ready for eggs. And then this morning:

That probably looks the same, but it is much more built up and is really starting to look like a nest from the top.

I realize this is a terrible attempt to show the top. But I have to stand on a step stool and its a bit awkward and I just snapped it quick. I will be keeping you posted on this situation for sure. (Ohh I just noticed Panda sitting by the door very quietly staring in it's direction so I went to investigate and have now confirmed it is a robin's nest!)


So yeah, Rockville. It's wild up in here.

Sun Safety

Sephora's Sun Safety Kits are out and I am so lucky to have such a nice (and equally beauty-product obsessed) friend to have gotten me one!

If you have never seen (or heard of) these, let me just tell you they are AWESOME. And very exciting. This year's holds 16 trial/sample size sunscreen (ranging from SPF 15 to 50) and bronzing products to keep your face safe during those wonderful sunny days of summer. I am especially excited about the Supergoop foamy oil sunscreen and Sugar lip treatment. No new wrinkles for me this summer!

Now all I need is that warm sunshine to show up. This Spring has been quite cloudy and rainy thus far.

I mean, can you even? 

Thanks Kiley!! :)

Twenties Vs. Thirties

•In my 20s, I could spend hours looking at clothes online that I wished to own, and fantasizing how I would look in them. Now I can spend hours on Zillow, thinking how I would improve a room, and shamelessly judging people for their paint color choices.

•In my 20s I drank cheap beer. Now I am much more refined, and drink cheap wine.

•In my 20s, being healthy was not eating cake. In my 30s being healthy is still not eating cake, but also keeping stress at a minimum (which would be easier, say, with cake).

•In my 20s I cared about having a job that was good for the present. Now I care about having a job that will be good for the future.

•20s = sunburns. 30s = sunscreen.

•In my 20s I thought it was better to have lots of friends. In my 30s I have realized this is definitely one of those times where quality > quantity.

•In my 20s I was jealous of my friends' nicer cars or nicer clothes or better hair. Now I'm just jealous of their babies.

•In my 20s I imagined the Perfect Guy would have movie-star looks, be full of romantic surprises, and always say the right things. Now I know he is drop-dead adorable and will make good-looking children, that movie romance is basically bullshit, and he says the right thing when I really need him to (and it means much more).

•20s ~ "Does this moisturizer fight pimples?" 30s ~ "Does this moisturizer fight wrinkles?"

•In my 20s I could stay up until 3am and think nothing of it. Now, if I'm up at 3am it's only to pee or because the cat is being an asshole.

•In my 20s I would shower and put makeup on before even a quick trip to the grocery store. Now I'm lucky if I put a bra on, much less fresh clothes and makeup.

•In my 20s I went to several concerts and got smashed at all of them. A friend and I are going to see Lana Del Rey tonight, and will be damned if I spend $10 on a plastic cup of warm Bud Light (football and baseball games are different, the beers are cold and large and it's part of the experience). I imagine singing along is much easier also, when you can remember the words.

•In my 20s I didn't really worry about my future because I honestly couldn't picture having one. Find the perfect guy for me and have a house and a family and all of that stuff? It just wasn't meant for me and I pretty much accepted it that way. It was easier that way. No big deal. Then I met Nick. It took a while to change how I thought and to believe in it for me, and that maybe I could Have It All too. And when I lost my brother last year I made a promise that I would do my best to have that life, not only for me but for him too. Now, it's all I think about and am very much looking forward to every bit.

So at 32 (and-a-half) I may still be just starting my thirties, but for the most part so far, and with what should be to come, they're putting my twenties to shame.

HIRED

Whole Foods Market
Speciality Department Team Member

I got a job!

Shortly after posting on here this morning, I got a call from Whole Foods asking me to come in for a second interview. Within the hour. So after taking the world fastest shower, and quickly making myself presentable, I zipped down to the store.

Met with the General Manager (or "Store Team Leader"). He was super nice and asked a few basic questions about me, and how I am as an employee, etc. I think he was surprised by how enthusiastic I was, but I was so excited to have gotten called back I couldn't help it. I have been applying to this company for over a year. After about 15 minutes he asked me to wait there a minute, and then the two ladies I met with yesterday came out and sat with me. They said they loved me, loved my energy and offered me the position! Balloons fell from the ceiling and all the shoppers and employees threw confetti as a marching band made it's way through the store. Ok maybe that didn't happen.

So what is the Specialty Department? Coffee. Chocolate. Beer. Cheese. So pretty much the coolest part of the store. If only stores in CT had wine! OMG. So I will be learning tons about their products, most of which will probably be the cheese section. They have the most amazing cheese selection, if you've never seen it. I'll learn how to roast coffee. I'll learn how to make beer recommendations. I'll eat pounds of chocolate. I'll cut the cheese (hehe), weigh it, wrap and label it. I'll create glorious displays. I'll also be cross-trained as a barista. I'm excited to learn as much as possible.

de Mayo

It's May! One of my favorite months (along with July). Actually it's May 5th already, Happy Cinco de Mayo tortilla and tequila lovers.

So far, May has been pretty ok.

Get this! I met my goal of losing 5lbs by the 1st. *confetti*

I did some form of exercise every day last week including Pilates. I slacked yesterday, but had an interview which I'll get to in a minute. Today is nice so I will be hitting the trail in a bit.

I still have plenty of weight loss/fitness to accomplish, as evidenced by the jeans I put on yesterday and ripped.

As far as the rest of my goals for April, I have to say I think I did pretty well. Definitely at least 60% success as promised. The biggest thing I failed at is not getting a job yet, but believe me, I'm still trying.

It's been warm enough to have the windows open during the day sometimes, and I have learned that although I do curse from time to time (not in inappropriate situations or anything though), the kids that live next-door to me make me seem like an Amish Mormon nun (I know, I know). Holy sh*t. It's like The Maury Povich Show in their backyard, only not censored by what I can only imagine is a person after 75 cups of coffee (I stopped even trying to watch that show after the bleeps started interrupting the reading of the lie detector and paternity test results, sheesh).

A couple long distance friends had an adorable baby boy on Friday, he just looks soo perfect. I am very happy for them. Yesterday, Nick and I visited a couple more local friends and their baby, who will be 6 months in just a few days. He is seriously one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Especially his drumstick thighs. And so happy. (By the way, they have a story on "Motherhood Methodology" on The Today Show as I type this) Also cute? My Florida friend's baby girl, 1.5 months now. OMG. She is just. The Cutest. I can't really form an opinion on my favorite pregnant friend's baby based on the blurry pics I saw at the ultrasound I accompanied her to about a week ago, but I just know she will be super cute too. So yeah. Babies and more babies. I'm very lucky Nick is pretty patient with my impatience. Thanks babe.

Flower trees make me happy.

I had my interview at Whole Foods yesterday, which was quite different than the last two I had. Really the only similarities were that it was 1.) an interview, and 2.) the first of possibly two. It lasted only 15 minutes and was with two ladies from the department for which I applied. The Team Leader, and who I assume was the assistant leader. They both seemed very nice, though I could not tell if they liked me at all. I was really nervous too and they could probably tell. Oops. The questions were pretty basic and I probably could have answered a couple of them better, but did ok. I was just so nervous! Anyway, I walked away from it feeling less than confident in my chances to get called for a second interview. Which sucks because I usually nail interviews, I just haven't been hired due to circumstance, not because I wasn't the best for the job. I'm rambling. They're supposed to call me this afternoon to let me know if I have been selected to come back for Round Two.

OMG like 8 ladies just surprised their moms Live On The Plaza with the fact that they are "Pregnant!". WTF.

But hey, I lost my 5 pounds. Sigh.

In memory of Eddie from El Sombrero's

Finally!

First, I'm finally doing a blog post after quite a few days of not.

And today we finally got a pretty nice day again, weather-wise.

So I went for a walk on the trail, and finally decided to just walk to the entrance closer to my house. Driving to take a walk seems silly when it's less than a mile to walk there. Well. It made it different, that's for sure. Walking there wasn't bad at all, every street I had to cross had perfectly placed crosswalk lines. When you're dating a safety technologist, you notice these things. Nick would be
proud. Speaking of safety, I'm still not completely convinced yet that I won't be the first murder victim on that trail. Watching ID for hours on end will do that. I can't decide if it's made me more paranoid or just less naive. Either way, I should probably start carrying some sort of personal protection. Maybe then I won't find myself looking back every 50 feet or so. Anyway, the walk there. About halfway is when I realized I had more to worry about than predators.

Oh sh*t.

I'm not sure the picture shows how steep it really is but let me just say, as soon as I saw this all I could think about was walking up it. It was hard to walk down. Murderers were no longer my only fear on this walk. Though when I got to the trail head, it crossed my mind.

Hmmm

Not at all like the other end, with a parking lot and very wide, open trail. Luckily it was only like this for a minute, but the first section is definitely more secluded and made my eyes as shifty as a mystery wrasse (a new fish Nick got yesterday, that darts it's eyes back and forth and makes me giggle. It's a pretty little thing so I thought I would give it a shout out).

That's better

I walked the trail for about an hour, so probably about 4 miles! And adding in the street walking (heh), I'm guessing close to 6 total. But before it was over I had to climb this mountain.

Dear God Not Like This

It wasn't easy, but I did it! Let me tell you, if I walk to the trail from now on, this hill could put my butt back where it used to be. Or maybe even where it's never been. That doesn't sound right. What I'm saying is that I am going to be soooore tomorrow. I'm hoping I will do this enough over the next month that it will seem easy eventually.


Also.

The trees are finally starting to grow leaves back!

Yes!

I feel like I finally have my "diet" under control, and am craving crap food less and less. Even more, I am finally starting to feel the positive effects of it and am feeling slightly better in my skin clothes.


Last. I FINALLY, after over a year of applying, got an interview at Whole Foods. Now, I know very well to not get my hopes up for anything ever again (the sanctuary disappointment was just too crushing), but just getting the interview is kind of a big deal and I'm pretty happy for that!

This lil wrasse-cal finally got his forever home 

This and That

Just a few things.

-I finished my closets! They look lovely and I don't want to touch anything in them now. Also, I caught up on laundry. And ended up running out of hangers/space. Bah.

-I hooked up the DVD player! Yes I both did it and did it correctly. And I will almost definitely put an actual DVD in it today...

-Or tomorrow.

-I have been doing pretty well with eating. Lost a couple pounds and 1.5" off my waist and hips already! Always measure yourself when you're bloated, it is very encouraging to lose an inch or two with little to no effort.

-Speaking of effort, I really need to exercise more. Still. Getting sick with a cold every 10 days or so lately really hasn't been helping. I'm not making excuses. You know this is true because I'll straight up tell you I didn't exercise "because I was lazy". But that's honestly only part of it.

-I think I have a slight obsession with red bell peppers right now. I would like a flat of them and to put them in everything I cook. Ohhhh I should grow some in a pot on the porch this summer.

-I got Panda a new cat food that is made without wheat, corn or soy. It's full of fruits and vegetables and she LOVES it. I hope she doesn't get fat. She didn't seem to like her old food enough to overeat it. But she gets all excited over this one. Which kinda makes me feel bad I was feeding her the same (expensive) crap for 3 years. It's all Goodlife now.

-This weekend was Easter, and there are a few things worth mentioning. I ate zero chocolate. I also passed on the lasagna and ate salmon and salad instead. I wore JEANS. Zipped, almost not too tight jeans. It's the little things. Like this little herb garden from Nick's mom:

And these cute lil daffodils. I sure hope they last longer than a week.

Daawwww

Cats = Great Roommates

If you have a cat, you know that's pretty much a joke. Don't get me wrong, I love Panda. She's adorable and very loving and I wouldn't give her up for a million dollars. I actually mean that. She's the best pet I've ever had. But as far as roommates go, cats are basically inconsiderate jerks. Especially mine. There are so many things she could really improve on to make our cohabitation much more enjoyable (for me). I sometimes think about all the things I would say to her if we ever sat down for a House Meeting. A few examples:



"Carpets, while lovely for you to lay around on, are not the ideal place for barfing"

The apartment is only 50% carpeted. Yet she manages to vomit on a carpeted area 99% of the time. Speaking of..


"You would yak a lot less if you stopped eating your fur"

I don't just mean like from cleaning herself. Yes, she's very soft and fluffy and that can cause furballs from time to time. But homegirl will shed a little fluff puff once in a while and insists on then eating it. Sometimes I can catch her and stop the process but mostly she's a disgusting creature.


"See this little button here? That turns on the Keurig"

I am not asking for much here. The 90 seconds or so I have to wait for the coffee robot to prep itself in the morning seems unnecessary when I have a roommate who wakes up at the crack of dawn. It's just common courtesy if you ask me.


"Plastic bags are not part of a healthy diet"

She has a serious problem. I know not to leave any kind of plastic around if possible, because she will chew it. Immediately. Same with packing tape. She will literally un-tape the ends of boxes and chomp the tape. I have no idea why. I know a lot of cats do this but Panda would probably eat an entire garbage bag if I let her. What an idiot.


"When I lay clean laundry out on my bed to hang up and leave the room for a minute, this is NOT an invitation for you to lay on them"

This also goes for if I leave a drawer open longer than 5 seconds. She could be sound asleep on the other side of the apartment and if she hears a drawer open she's suddenly wide awake!, and right there waiting for me to turn my back to it. A rational roommate would know that the last thing I want on my clean clothes is cat fur, but oh they're just so cozy. I have to also be very diligent about keeping my closets closed, she will make herself right at home on my shelves of freshly folded pants. That reminds me, I need to buy more lint rollers.


"Please, PLEASE wipe your feet"

When exiting the litter box. I swear she opens her adorable little chubby paws in there and then closes them, releasing any litter she manages to grab all over the the floors. It's so rude. A considerate roommate wouldn't walk across the apartment with dirty shoes, so can't we just leave the litter in it's more-than-ample sized box? And while we're at it, let's just take a second and make sure all the poop is safely buried before exiting, shall we? I mean for real, what kind of cat is this?

"The vacuum is not going to kill you"

Vacuums are big and loud and I assume most if not all cats are scared of them. Panda really takes it to the next level. Usually she runs to hide as soon as she sees me touch it, taking out anything in her path. As if that's not enough, sometimes when I transition into the room she's hiding in, she decides it is no longer a safe place to be and tears ass to the other room, again knocking over anything in her way. She has broken stuff before, and probably will again. Good roommates don't break your stuff.

Definitely not listening 

Progress?

I was going to write this yesterday, since it was the month's halfway point. Unfortunately I was too busy trying to get over the terrible disappointment of not getting the job at the sanctuary. Although I was their first choice (and told that before I left the interview) and probably the best person for the job, one of the volunteers decided they wanted it. So basically life is unfair and I spent the last two days being completely bummed out. But life also goes on, so I applied to a few more places and will try to move on from it. And maybe look into volunteering there myself.

So the point of this is to check back on my April goals and see how I've done so far (spoiler alert: not great).

• I think we've already established that I have not gotten hired. But I am doing what I can and have to just have faith that the right thing will come along. And meanwhile, make the most of all the free time I have.

• I am not the proud new owner of apartment plants or a clean kitchen rug. But that's ok because it snowed last night. Wtf.

I have actually made progress in the other areas, little though it may be. But I like to have the glass-half-full perspective (unless it's wine, then I like it all-the-way-full because I have really tiny wine glasses). Really though, just getting things moving in the right direction is good enough for now. I know. I'm such an overachiever.

• As you may have seen, I have gotten quite a bit done in my bedroom, including redoing one of my closets completely. Well I also did the other closet, and just need to organize the shoes in it now. I almost caught up on laundry, and will do so by the end of the week. THERE ARE NO BOXES IN MY ROOM. None. Not one. OMG.

• I have definitely been cooking more. Makes my healthy low-carb not-diet much easier and way more tolerable. Which I have also been doing well with recently (and by recently I mean like 6 days tops). Once I lose the first 5lbs I won't be so carb strict. Mmmm fruit.

• My April of Action. Hmm, let's see here. I haven't exactly exercised every day. Ok fine, just 3 days! But the good news is I found a great trail in town to walk! And the other day I walked over 4.5 miles on it. My average was like 13min/mile so it's definitely solid exercise. I'll be doing this any day I am not working as long as it's not pouring rain. I hope to get up to 6 miles by mid-May. As for the Pilates, umm...where are those cables anyway?...

• I think I can safely say I have watched less TV, with the time I have spent cleaning, organizing, cooking, walking, and reading outside in the sunshine. Alright high-five good job me! (Told you I'd take credit for it.)

So while it was heartbreaking to not get that job, it's probably better to focus on the positive changes I have made, or have started to make. And keep going with them. That's what I am going to keep telling myself. Over and over until I believe it.

The trail will be so lovely when the leaves grow in :)

A Few of My Favorite Things

There are a few things I'm pretty into right now, and I thought I would share them with you. My life is quite riveting, I know, especially when I find a new laundry detergent that smells good or get hooked on a particular food. I hope you can handle the excitement.

19 Crimes Red Blend Wine (Australia)

This was recommended to me over the winter at a little store in town. They only sell wines they really like themselves, because they have such limited space. I usually go for a Cabernet when choosing red, but decided to trust the man and give this a try. It's lovely. It has the teensiest bit of sweetness that just works so well. It would probably be great to make sangria with. When the weather gets warmer I switch over to white (Sav Blanc) so I probably won't be buying much more of it myself for now, but if you like red and you see this, definitely try it. Oh, and it's $9.99!

Broccolini

Ohhhh I could eat it every day. I won't, but I sure could. It's not always easy to find, and it's a little pricey, but Whole Foods usually has it, so lately I have too. It is a hybrid vegetable of broccoli and kai-lan (Chinese kale). It tastes similar to broccoli, with a hint of asparagus and a touch of sweetness. It's freakin' delicious. It would probably be great mixed into pasta, or in stir-frys. I just prepare it as a side though, since carbs. First I heat (med-high?) a little olive oil in a pan and then add a clove of minced garlic. After about 30 seconds I throw in the broccolini (ends trimmed) and toss it around a bit. A little salt, and then I pour in a few tablespoons of white wine (usually just standard cooking wine) and cover it to steam on low. About 7 minutes later I uncover it, turn up the heat a bit and cook it a few more minutes. Lastly I grind some red pepper flakes on and give it a final mix. It would probably also be nice with a squeeze of fresh lemon, if you like. Mmm.

Gain with Febreze Thai Dragon Fruit Laundry Detergent

All I can really say about this is it SMELLS. AMAZING. And my clothes and sheets and towels all smell amazing when I wash them with it. For dayssss. Good smells make me happy.

Yes, that's a shake weight in the background. Laugh it up. That thing is no joke. It's hard as shit and I hate it.

These Mr. Clean Dish Gloves

I always use dish gloves (I seriously can't wait to own a dishwasher someday), because I have the most brittle fingernails already and also hate the feeling my fingertips get after washing a sinkful sans gloves. Plus they're grippy, and I'm clumsy. The reasons I like these in particular is because a.) they're super long and soft inside, and b.) they're friggin orangey-red. Yayy. Also, a helpful hint about dish gloves: they're PERFECT for opening tough jars and such because they make your whole hand grippy. Mmhmm.

Plants Growing

You guys. It's finally happening. After the longest winter we have ever experienced (and hopefully ever will), signs of Spring are at long last showing themselves! What a relief. I'm so looking forward to the haze of bright yellow-green through the woods, and pink flower trees. I can't wait for the smell of lilacs in the air, and for the grass to be boldly green again. Ahhh, Spring. Welcome back!

Also, this weekend's weather?! It is 75° and perfect outside as I type this and yesterday was just as nice. Yeah I'm totally into that. More please. 

P.S. Something I'm not into, however, is finding out that (after trying it and falling in love), Dunkin Donuts cookie dough iced coffee is made with flavoring that is NOT the unsweetened type. It's totally full of sugar, so now I can't drink it anymore. No wonder it was "really helping with my sweet cravings!". Ugh, what an asshole.