Cats = Great Roommates

If you have a cat, you know that's pretty much a joke. Don't get me wrong, I love Panda. She's adorable and very loving and I wouldn't give her up for a million dollars. I actually mean that. She's the best pet I've ever had. But as far as roommates go, cats are basically inconsiderate jerks. Especially mine. There are so many things she could really improve on to make our cohabitation much more enjoyable (for me). I sometimes think about all the things I would say to her if we ever sat down for a House Meeting. A few examples:



"Carpets, while lovely for you to lay around on, are not the ideal place for barfing"

The apartment is only 50% carpeted. Yet she manages to vomit on a carpeted area 99% of the time. Speaking of..


"You would yak a lot less if you stopped eating your fur"

I don't just mean like from cleaning herself. Yes, she's very soft and fluffy and that can cause furballs from time to time. But homegirl will shed a little fluff puff once in a while and insists on then eating it. Sometimes I can catch her and stop the process but mostly she's a disgusting creature.


"See this little button here? That turns on the Keurig"

I am not asking for much here. The 90 seconds or so I have to wait for the coffee robot to prep itself in the morning seems unnecessary when I have a roommate who wakes up at the crack of dawn. It's just common courtesy if you ask me.


"Plastic bags are not part of a healthy diet"

She has a serious problem. I know not to leave any kind of plastic around if possible, because she will chew it. Immediately. Same with packing tape. She will literally un-tape the ends of boxes and chomp the tape. I have no idea why. I know a lot of cats do this but Panda would probably eat an entire garbage bag if I let her. What an idiot.


"When I lay clean laundry out on my bed to hang up and leave the room for a minute, this is NOT an invitation for you to lay on them"

This also goes for if I leave a drawer open longer than 5 seconds. She could be sound asleep on the other side of the apartment and if she hears a drawer open she's suddenly wide awake!, and right there waiting for me to turn my back to it. A rational roommate would know that the last thing I want on my clean clothes is cat fur, but oh they're just so cozy. I have to also be very diligent about keeping my closets closed, she will make herself right at home on my shelves of freshly folded pants. That reminds me, I need to buy more lint rollers.


"Please, PLEASE wipe your feet"

When exiting the litter box. I swear she opens her adorable little chubby paws in there and then closes them, releasing any litter she manages to grab all over the the floors. It's so rude. A considerate roommate wouldn't walk across the apartment with dirty shoes, so can't we just leave the litter in it's more-than-ample sized box? And while we're at it, let's just take a second and make sure all the poop is safely buried before exiting, shall we? I mean for real, what kind of cat is this?

"The vacuum is not going to kill you"

Vacuums are big and loud and I assume most if not all cats are scared of them. Panda really takes it to the next level. Usually she runs to hide as soon as she sees me touch it, taking out anything in her path. As if that's not enough, sometimes when I transition into the room she's hiding in, she decides it is no longer a safe place to be and tears ass to the other room, again knocking over anything in her way. She has broken stuff before, and probably will again. Good roommates don't break your stuff.

Definitely not listening