This Turkey

So I've had this turkey in my freezer. For months. Taking up approximately 30% of the space in there. Because 13 pounds. Usually a girl living alone would not have such a large portion of poultry in her possession, but my boyfriend won it for me. And while it's not the usual "stuffed animal" (har har) a boyfriend wins for his girlfriend, he won it for me and so I accepted it proudly. I put it in my freezer and told myself I would cook it...someday. Well, about 4 months later I got sick of it being in my freezer so that day was today.

Cooking a turkey requires a bit of preparation, so first I headed to the store. Needed stuff to make it taste good and also got some petite green beans to eat with the 8% portion (that's gotta be a decent guess at an average serving size) I would obviously be eating for dinner. No mashed potatoes for me (and won't be making any delicious gravy, cry) because I'm not eating the evil carbs for a while. Oh yeah, that started today. I figured roasted turkey and the steamed beans would be perfect. Anyway, I also needed to purchase one of those large disposable roasting pans since I am not the owner of a pan capable of containing the beast bird, and had to somehow acquire that string I've seen people use to tie the legs together. After looking near the pans, the spices, the foil/cling wrap and the hardware section, I decided they do not sell such a product at that supermarket. So here's a helpful (that may be a stretch) hint: you can go to the butcher at your store and they will cut you the length you need. Nice, right? 

Once I got home I preheated the oven to 400° and began preparing it. Rinsed it in cold water (and removed the "stuff" inside), dried it with paper towels and plopped it in the pan (which I put on a sturdy cookie sheet to make it easier to get out of the oven). I squeezed a half lemon inside and then rubbed in some kosher salt. Threw the lemon in it's hole along with a small white onion (quartered), 3 cloves of garlic (peeled obv), some celery and some sage. Tied the legs together tightly. Added a few sprigs of fresh thyme and rosemary in the pan around it. Lastly, I melted some butter and poured that over the breast, salt and peppered, and then flipped it over and did the same to the underside. And then I left it that way, and chucked it in the oven. Yes, I cooked it breast-side down and yes, I did that on purpose. I heard it is supposed to make for much juicier meat (dry turkey is the pits). I left the temp at 400° for the first half-hour (kills any bacteria) and then 325° for 2 hours. I dropped it to 225° for an hour and then 180° for the final half-hour. Timing would obviously vary depending on poundage, but I highly doubt anyone is planning on randomly roasting a turkey anytime soon (wait, do people make turkeys for Easter?) so I don't know why I'm getting into these details at all. 

Well let me tell you, if you do make turkey for Easter, or maybe have one in your freezer like I did (or are just craving turkey now because you've been reading about it for over 2 minutes) and will be using the good old oven method, please, for the love of everything, COOK IT WITH THE BREAST DOWN. You guys. This was the best (aka least dry) roasted turkey breast meat I have had in a long time (maybe ever) and I didn't have to brine it or even baste it really (I mean I did once, but only because I actually do own a turkey-baster). No, it won't look quite the same of course and you won't have the crispy skin on that side, but trust me it is worth it. I have to say, I'm glad I finally decided to make that damn thing. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the heaps of leftover meat.

See? A little awkward looking, but not terrible

Aerial view

This would look way cooler 

with starchy carbs and gravy

Shiny turkey