Diets

Food plans. Energy in.

I actually don't do diets anymore. These days I usually just cut out carbs for a couple weeks to get on track and then try to just eat your basic healthy low-fat regime, while making sure to stay within a reasonable calorie range. I stick to fruits (mornings only), vegetables, and lean protein. Simple enough. Some good fats like olive oil, salmon, avocado and, if I'm feeling particularly cheeky, almonds. That's my perfect plan, I stick to it about 80% of the time when I'm actually trying. Which is probably also about 80% of the time. I don't know, I don't feel like doing math right now but I'm pretty sure it adds up to something like "not enough". Obviously a big part of my self-improvement has to be cutting out the crap (I'll miss you sweet carbohydrates), and getting back to what makes me feel best. Now I know you're probably thinking "Umm, sounds like a diet...", but when I think "diets" I think of the following, some of which I've tried:

Atkins: You can eat as much meat and fat as you want because, well, you're not eating anything else. So your body only has that to burn. Some vegetables are allowed, but only like 2 cups/day from what I remember. They sell products like shakes and bars that weren't awful but I got this greasy patch on the crown of my head? What the...? Ick. I lost a few pounds very quickly within the first 2 weeks and was quite impressed. This was like 10 years ago when I didn't know better. Although low-carb is still my go-to jump start, anything that says you can't eat fruit is insane to me. RIP Dr. Atkins.

South Beach: Created by a doctor in Florida. Similar to Atkins in the beginning with the carbs-are-the-enemy mantra. But through "Phases" you add more foods in such as whole grains, starchy veg, fruits etc. I tried it for a bit, but mostly just because they have really pretty packaging for their products.

Skinny Bitch Diet: Ohhh hahaha a book with that title has to be light and amusing right? WRONG. It's horrifying. If you've never read it, don't. DO NOT. I cried my way through it all while feeling like the worst human on the planet, and then went vegan for over a year. Nothing against vegans, except the ones that look down on others for not being vegan. I felt a little of that happening in me and I didn't like it. That, coupled with an unrelated case of severe anemia snapped me out of it. I threw the book away. I would have donated it but I don't hate people.

Weight Watchers: I think this is great just because of the education and group support they offer. Based on a points system, you really can eat whatever you want, so it's ideal for people that really struggle with their weight-loss. I have never been on it, but I did eat a whole box of their little cakes once. Yummy.

Master Cleanse: This is some hardcore shit. I'm not gonna google the specifics and rules I didn't follow because I don't want to relive those 3 days. Fresh-squeezed lemon juice maple syrup cayenne drink. I'm sure you've heard of it. Beyoncé made it famous I think (figures). Basically you drink as much of this mixture as you can instead of eating food. I did it with a friend last year to prepare for a wedding in Cancun. Oh, no I wasn't going, I'm just a really supportive friend. We lasted three whole days and in my opinion, improved the diet. Some would call adding vodka to it, eating salads and boiled egg whites, and then deciding Bloody Mary's (with a half jar of olives each) were acceptable failing, but potato potahto.

Zone Diet: I can only say I've heard of it and seen the bars in stores. It's based on 40% unrefined carbs, 30% good fats and 30% protein at EVERY meal. Way too much math there Dr. Zone. Really the only reason I wanted to mention this one is because I remember hearing Jennifer Aniston was a Zoner during Friends and god DAMN she always looked amazing.

Paleo: The newest installment of Fad Diet. Based on the Paleolithic era, it's pretty much eating foods only the cavemen needed to survive (their long 30 year lives), and is supposed to train your body to want only these foods. Like, you can't eat beans. WTF is wrong with beans?! It promises to result in your ideal body weight, a sharp mind, and for you to become in-tune with your inner hunter. For the love of.... You know what? I bet Crossfitters love Paleo.

So all in all, diets with names are dumb. Some have good ideas within them, but mostly they're about selling books and products. And unfortunately people (me included) jump on anything new with a promise of success without feeling ravenous. But honestly, just eating the whole, unprocessed foods we've known are good for us since the second grade really does work. Apples, broccoli, and fish are good. Pizza, cookies and chips are bad. Yeah you'll be hungry at first but it gets easier. And for the most part you get over the cravings after a week or two and really want to eat the nice stuff. I should know, I've done it about 150 times.

Atkins cat